Priorities

Here is a great question:
With all the areas we have to deal with in life, from God to kids to marriage to our employment to
family to ministry, how do we deal with it all without becoming overcommitted or burned out?

One could argue that each of our responsibilities would warrant our FULL-TIME attention.

Early in my life, I used to run a kind of relational ambulance most of the time-I would go from one relational 911 call to another:
Spend too much time at work…TENSION FROM SHEER NEGLECT WOULD ARISE BETWEEN GAIL AND ME…SO I’D TAKE OFF IN MY RELATIONAL AMBLANCE TO DO SOME EXTRA STUFF W/HER (things settled) …and then TENSION from sheer neglect would appear between/kids and me…911-RUN AND DO SOME STUFF W/THEM….GOD 911 = RETREAT…TENSION @ WORK 911…

Hopeless cycle.
Why?

I think it’s because I didn’t establish priorities in my life-I just reacted to life.

What is a PRIORITY…it’s something that you believe takes PRECEDENCE over other things…a priority is what’s MOST important.
It is what is able to precede OTHER THINGS

A list of priorities tell you what matters most in your life and will keep a lot of confusion out of your life.

1Cor. 14:33 - KING JAMES VERSION

If your priorities are clearly defined, it will make the daily decisions of your life easier.

Let’s say you’re planning something special with your wife tonight (anniversary dinner) and you told her you’d be home right after work and you know she’s really looking forward to it. BUT your boss approaches you and asks you to work late. You think: “Man, we could really use the extra money. If I’m a “go-to” guy for my boss, my job will be more secure. But my wife has really been counting on this (and I’ve already had to postpone this twice) and we could use a romantic shot in the arm.”

If your priorities are set, the answer will be there before the situation arises:
If your priority is to please the boss…you’ll stay
If your priority is providing an income…you’ll stay
If your priority is to protect and nourish your marriage, you’ll go home.

Let’s say you told your 8-year-old son, Johnny, you would go with him to the batting cages today after school…but Brother Harry calls you up and says he wants your counsel about a situation he has…

If your priority is to do ministry whenever it arises so that you’ll be seen as faithful and be promoted into the full time ministry…you’ll bail on Johnnie and go minister. If your priority is your son who is all jazzed about his dad spending a few minutes with him, you’ll go to the batting cages FIRST.

If priorities are set, decisions are made in advance and your life is simplified. (SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BEND YOUR PRIORITIES …THERE ARE LEGITIMATE EMERGENCIES-SOMETHING BLOWS UP AT WORK…BUT WATCH OUT FOR PATTERNS!!!)

Again, our priorities tell us what’s most important in our life.

So HOW do you establish them?

3 general ways people do it:

#1 - many establish their priorities based on what others do or say

“Dad never let anything get in the way of work…so that’s what I need to do…my family just needs to understand a job is #1 to keep the family secure financially.”

“mom always put the kids first-her and dad never had date-nights…they always hung w/us kids.”

“Pastor says services are never to be missed…so I need to be here every time there is a service.”

“my boss says I should be available whenever he wants me to be”

“my friend Pete is involved with street ministry every night and he has FOUR kids…”

Paul warns believers about figuring out what’s most important by listening to OTHER PEOPLE…

2Cor. 10:12

Another very popular way of establishing priorities is BASING your priorities on HOW YOU FEEL.

We live in a “FEEL-GOOD” culture…do what you want.
Be honest with yourself…be honest with your feelings. Why? They aren’t honest w/you! Sometimes you feel like a nut…sometimes you don’t.

Feelings are like Oklahoma weather…very changeable.

I know people who base their whole lives on feelings, from how they treat their families to whether the keep a job…feelings…DANGEROUS THING.

I think the best thing you can base your priorities on is on what is given to us in Scripture.

2 Co. 3:16

Psa. 17:4 KING JAMES VERSION

Interestingly, the Scriptures iterate what is most important from God’s perspective.
We get to choose…do we want to buy into God’s priority list or determine priorities on our own…

Isa. 55: 8-13

Here is God’s priority list (get these by comparing verses in Scripture…which we don’t have time to prove this a.m.)

Priority #1
You and God

Matt. 22:37-38

Here is the thought…if things are messed up between you and God…your whole life will begin to enter the world of THE SUCK. IT WILL STINK.

Making God #1 in your life will bring order into your whole life!!

Just listen to Galatians 5:22

Gal. 5:22-23

This is the FRUIT of the Holy Spirit within the human heart:
love - referring to the unconditional love of God - which gives us the ability to set value and preciousness on a person irrespective of the way they act
joy - expectation of good things coming
peace - guarantee that NOTHING will stand between you and others in your life
longsuffering -the ability to put up with crud
kindness - a propensity or bend within to do favors for others
goodness - living by a motive other than selfishness
gentleness - helps you not to be an over-reactive critical punk
faithfulness - the ability to stick to your commitments
self-control - helping you control impulses/passions that would otherwise ruin you

KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AS #1 will cause the rest of your life to SHINE AND BE SUCCESSFUL!

1 Timothy 4:8

PRIORITY #2 [may surprise you],
It is you and you

Matt. 22:37-39

YOU WILL NEVER TREAT PEOPLE BETTER THAN YOU DO YOURSELF.
You’re going to have to fall in love w/you!

Psa. 139:13-14

Rom. 5:5

“God don’t make junk.”

Others of you love yourselves too much…repent from that as well.

PRIORITY #3
Is your spouse if you are married (notice it is not ministry, not children, not your job…your spouse)

Over the years…many of us have watched major ministries model the idea that a devoted follower of Jesus is to commit his/her whole lives to ministry…

IT WAS A LIE!
-many have lost their marriages
-lost their kids

We have assumed that God is most concerned about the word being preached. However, ministry is actually #6 in this biblical priority list…

THAT MEANS YOUR Marriage matters in God’s economy.

Eph. 5:21-32

PRIORITY #4
Is you and your CHILDREN [if you have them]!
Note: children are more important than ministry but not more important than your marriage

PRIORITY #5
Is you and your church

Not necessarily the ORGANIZED church…like PC…but your connection w/other believers…LIFE ON LIFE SHARING-I don’t catch all that much about my life: my weaknesses/strengths…God…the devil…I need help to see clearly.

But church relationships ARE less important than your relationship w/God, spouse, kids…but more important than job, ministry or extended family (parents, siblings)…

PRIORITY #6
Work/ministry

PRIORITY #7
Your extended family

PRIORITY #8
The world-at-large

How do priorities work?
NOT TIME ORIENTED…RELATIONALLY ORIENTED
Wake up disconnected w/God…wife is mad…kids are screaming…out of relationship w/other believers…in trouble at work and your mom is mad at you…
RUN TO GOD FIRST…

IF OK W/ GOD AND REST OF THE WORLD…BUT YOUR SPOUSE IS MAD…OPEN THE DOOR FOR RESTORATION ON YOUR WAY OUT THE DOOR…

PILOT FRIENDS…CHECKLIST…
IF OK…SPEND MOST OF THE TIME IN AIR….

#1 RULE WHEN TALKING ABOUT PRIORITIES:
TENSION DEMANDS ATTENTION!

Any priority out of line = a god.
ONE MORE THING:
Add more priorities = will determine what God speaks to you
STEVE CLOUSE…6 KIDS…BUSINESS OWNER-ATTORNEY-POLITICIAN…

Moms 2006

We want to honor the women and mothers in this place this morning!

Ever since the Fall of man there has been a kind of battle of the sexes going on where the men try to one-up women and vice-versa. God never intended that to be. He intended that there be a mutual respect and honor for each other.

SO let’s start some controversy with the question:
We always call God Father, but could we call him mother?

Theologically, yes.
God is not male or female, he is God and male and female came out of him.

Is. 49:14
Is. 49:15
Is. 49:16

God totally gets the “nurturing” “mothering” thing…in fact all the feminine and motherly instincts in women came were first present in and originated with God.

TECHNICALLY: WE COULD PRAY “OUR MOTHER WHICH ART IN HEAVEN” -

Whether we like it or not GOD wired men and women DIFFERENT. BUT DIFFERENT DOES NOT MEAN BETTER OR WORSE!

My arms are definitely different from my legs-- but I don’t think one is better than the other -- I wouldn’t want to do without either!

I love what Paul said on this point.

1Cor. 11:11-12
1Cor. 11:12

Before we talk about how men and women are wired differently, we need to say that men and women as husbands, wives and parents are called to work together as co-equals in life.

Watch how Peter talks about this in:
1Pet. 3:7-9
1Pet. 3:8
1Pet. 3:9

To really celebrate this unique part of God’s creation: Let’s talk about moms this morning, but first, as they were created - as women - and then the value God places on them as mothers.

Gen. 2:15-25

Notice the care God had in making woman: formed: squeezed/fashioned: expertly hand crafted! and he brought her to the man. Notice God did not let her roam around until she could figure out a way to approach Adam.
God brought her. She was somebody!

Note Adam’s reaction and prophecy!
Gen. 2:23
Gen. 2:24

HE KNEW THIS BEING WAS WORTH CHANGING HIS WHOLE LIFE FOR.

God created woman to be man’s helper!
Gen. 2:18
1Cor. 11:9

With a western mindset, this sounds fairly dangerous for a woman.
In a sense it implies SLAVERY but nothing could be further from the truth!
The Hebrew word translated “helper” in v. 18 is the word “exer”
It is only used 19 times in the Bible. 14 out of the 19 times it is used in reference to God:
Psa. 46:1

God is our helper!
Does that make Him our slave?
Does that make Him our inferior?

The fact is, God made woman with a little more care so that she could be in a position to HELP man.

IN A NUMBER OF WAYS WOMEN ARE SUPERIOR TO MEN!

One man said it this way:
“if man is dust refined, woman is dust double refined, one step removed from earth and one step closer to the glories of heaven.”

For example, I would rather be friends with a woman in her 60’s who never married than a man in his 60’s who had never married - generally men get weird when they are alone.

Generally women fair better. “It is not good for a man to be alone!” Women are more emotionally astute and connected to what is going on around them than men are. Drive by a field with one flower in the middle: woman will say, o look!
Guy: huh, what, where

From a theological perspective, woman was created to help man - to be man’s strength. The whole “man as the head” thing was NEVER TO BE USED SELFISHLY (anymore than God uses his leadership selfishly) but man was to use his authority to benefit the couple as a unit and to bless humanity at large!
It wasn’t till after the Fall that men began to be the big man on campus.

Adam saw Eve with respect and honor: he said, “This is bone of my bones” -- this gal will give me structure, she will help clarify my purpose, she will keep me from breaking down in life.

Prov. 12:4

Ladies, you have the power to either make or destroy your man!

Now let’s talk about being moms and dads. Though both husbands and wives are challenged in Scripture to be intimately involved with each other and with their children, the reality is men have a harder time raising kids in the rough and tumble of daily life than women do - dads can do it and do it well - it’s just that (with rare exception) we can’t do that plus a lot of other things…

Why?
We see things differently which means: we don’t multitask well. I used to drive Gail crazy when I watched TV.

Gail could always see everything going on around her…
Kid on her hip, laundry, phone conversation and watching a show on tv - all at once.

Throw a woman in a house with kids and she’ll carry on a deeply connecting conversation with another adult while noticing that one of the kids looks a little tired or is not feeling well.

Simply stated (dangerous), a man generally looks at the world in terms of what it can provide for the family and rises to defend against any threats the world brings to the family. He tends to look at the world more in terms of being a provider and a protector. His mind is on his family but his eyes are outward at the world.

Contrarily, a woman generally looks at the family and sees how they are responding to the world around them. She picks up on HOW the world is affecting the family and tends to be involved with the world while constantly balancing HOW that will affect her family. She is more of an empower-er and a nurturer. Her mind is on the world (she’s aware of what is out there) but her eyes are inward at the family.

Because men have abused and trivialized the focus and calling upon women (especially leaders in the western church), many in secular society have worked hard at redefining women.

Instead of women saying to men, you’re confused, there is great value in how women access and approach life. Instead of responding with honoring and celebrating feminine differences, women started tackling traditionally masculine areas just to prove they could do it.

I don’t think anyone should have questioned a woman’s ability to do anything, it is not a question of ability, it’s a question of focus.

Women have proved they can manage businesses, work alongside men in construction jobs, women can fight in the armed service; etc. The one thing women can’t do is play golf at Augusta National-but there is a woman president on the way…

What I am trying to say is there is a new kind of pressure on women that I am not sure is fair, I am not sure it’s biblical, I’m not sure that it isn’t hurting the family: IT’S THE IDEA THAT women and men need to compete with each other.

Dr. Dobson’s quote (years ago).
“Have you noticed, also, that the entertainment industry has created a totally new woman with remarkable capacities? We’ve seen her as Wonder Woman and the Bionic Woman and Spider Woman and Charlie’s Angels and a host of other muscular (but sexy) females.

“The image of women now being depicted by the media is a ridiculous combination of wide-eyed fantasy and feminist propaganda. Today’s woman is always shown as gorgeous, of course, but she is more -- much more.

“She roars around the countryside in a racy sports car, while her male companion sits on the other side of the front seat anxiously biting his nails. She exudes self-confidence from the very tips of her fingers, and for good reason; she could dismantle any man alive with her karate chops and flying kicks to the teeth.

“She is deadly accurate with a pistol and she plays tennis (or football) like a pro. She speaks in perfectly organized sentences, as though her spontaneous remarks were being panned and written by a team of tiny English professors sitting in the back of her pretty little head.

“She is a sexual gourmet, to be sure, but she wouldn’t be caught dead in a wedding ceremony. She has the grand good fortune of being perpetually young and she never becomes ill, nor does she ever make a mistake or appear foolish.

“In short, she is virtually omniscient, except for a curious inability to do anything traditionally feminine, such as cook, sew, or raise children.

“Truly, today’s screen heroine is a remarkable specimen, standing proud and uncompromising, with side stance and hands to her hips. Oh, yeah! This baby has come a long, long way, no doubt about that!”

Of course WOMEN can be anything THEY want to be, but just make sure you are not trying to prove something.

For that past 12 years I have purposely had discussions with high school and college age students about what they feel about love/marriage/children
most speak disparagingly of marriage and childrearing
some shyly admit that they really would like to get married, but it is just not in vogue to talk or dream about it!

Many young ladies think marriage and child rearing is a stupid thing that people with low IQ’s get involved with - UNLESS YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN A CAREER AND DO IT IN YOUR MID/LATE 30’S.

My purpose in saying this is NOT to get women back into traditional roles society makes up for her or to push everyone into marriage and child rearing - my purpose is to say that the role of wife/mother has been severely diminished and we should NOT let that continue.

If anything is true, God places the greatest honor on home life and responsibilities!
He doesn’t call himself the great CEO of Creation.
He is a Dad.

At the crown of creation, God did not make the Church w/Adam as the first pastor and eve the first parishioner.
Made a home.

Luke 12:15

Life is about our families, our friends, our God - those things make life rich!

Marriage and family touch us in a way nothing in creation can.

It is not a put down to be a wife and mom! You may have to work outside the home -- Just keep your focus. Don’t take every promotion if it will hurt your family or marriage! (Same is true FOR men!)

Prov. 14:1

Ladies it is an honorable thing to have your marriage and home on the forefront of your mind. You were given to help here primarily!
Your strength, abilities, and perceptions were given to you primarily to help men and children act in a ways that don’t destroy the family.

Again that is not to say you should not be involved with the world-at-large.

Pr. 31:10-31 DISCLAIMER - THIS IS SUPERWOMAN - SHE DOESN’T EXIST - I SEE IT AS MORE OF A DINNER MENU - YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING HERE, BUT NO ONE WOULD TRY TO ORDER AND EAT IT ALL!